Sometimes humans are good!

I’ve heard of some ridiculous ideas before, a chap wanted to put an expedition together to find a hole at the north pole because he thought the earth was hollow and there could be new lands to (conquer) er, I mean cultivate. Then there was the plan to make battle ships out of icebergs. Just two of the ridiculous ideas that the human mind has formed. but the other day I read something that is completely beyond ridiculous, that plan is an idiotic proposal called “Double Summertime” this means that during the summer months it will be lighter later, at the height of the summer sunset won’t be until as late as 23:00 in some parts of the British Isles. Now I do hear whoops of joy from some of the residents of this nation all chanting great more summer, yup, this means that the chavs will hang around the streets longer before they have to go home to be tucked in by mummy after a hard days mugging and boozing on cheap alcohol. Yes the summer days will be longer with around sixteen hours of daylight. This also means that the winter days will be shorter, with about seven hours of day light. This means that in the winter in the UK we would have to travel to and from work in the dark, as sunrise would not happen until after 09:00. On a personal level this would mean that my passion for astronomy would be difficult, sunset at around 22:15 would mean that in won’t get really dark for about another hour and it doesn’t get truly dark during the summer as it is. I know that astronomers would benefit from the longer winter nights, not that they would be that much longer.  I think it would mean that sunset would be a half hour earlier where I am. Personally I feel we should stick to GMT, none of this +1 rubbish, There’s more daylight in the summer anyway it’s a natural occurrence, so stop messing about with it. if the public have any say in this moronic decision, and let’s face it the way things are at the moment it’s very unlikely, I for one will vote against it, and I would urge any of my readers who are UK based to do likewise.

On to something else, some of you are aware that Tea and me foster our dog Richie and that his vet care is, supposed to be, funded by The Little Dog Rescue, sadly for a reason that is either political or financial, the rescue have allowed Richie’s vet bill to get to such a high amount that our vet has, quite rightly, said that he will no longer see or treat Richie unless payment is made at the time of treatment. I don’t dispute that and think it very fair. Our vet did not make this decision lightly. When I spoke to him regarding this he was very apologetic and stated that he realised that this may result in health problems for Richie. This also meant that he would not release medication that Richie needs and must have unless they are paid for there and then. I realise that there are many people who hold to the thought that he’s just a dog and what does it matter if he gets his tablets? Fair comment! The thing is, it matters to us! Richie is a warm affectionate little chap who has been very badly treated in the past; to be honest I’m surprised he is able to trust any humans. Ok so he has a dodgy ticker and he has limited time with us, so it’s down to me and Trudes to ensure that he gets the love and care he really deserves. He may have a few months or he could carry on for a couple of years, we won’t know until the time finally runs out. The short of it is that Richie has been officially adopted by us and we are now fully responsible for his care, it won’t be easy and we will have to make a few small sacrifices now and then. But he’s totally worth it. Better that than have him taken away from us and constantly shunted from one foster home to another where he may not be as loved as he is with us. I’m not saying that we’re the greatest dog carers in the world, we spoil the dogs rotten and we’re probably a bit to soppy with them but that’s us and I know that we’re not alone in the world of soppy dog lovers. I truly hope that the rescue manage to sort out the problems they are having and that none of the dogs under their care suffer as a result of what appears to be nothing more than a power struggle. A good friend of mine has been involved in reputable organisations where similar situation have happened and it usually ends badly. Sometimes people want all the credit and recognition but don’t want to do any of the effort that earns them the credit.

On the opposite of that there are those who put in the effort that would rather remain anonymous. Such a situation has arisen and I would like to say that thank you doesn’t do a certain person justice, this person is beyond thoughtful, and if karma is an actual thing then our unknown friend has shed loads of positive karma heading for them. Trudes and I will probably never meet the lady concerned, but if ever we do we will show her how special she has become to our little family, to be honest it has a new member as of 18:00 today.

So I leave you to ponder the concept of karma, go look it up, once you have figured out what it means, take a deep look at how balanced your karma really is.

I’m also going off to finish watching Bones, possibly have an hour’s painting, I’ve made a start on the Tau models, huzzah! I’ll also squeeze some grub in there somewhere.

Have fun doing something that you enjoy, I know I will as long as the government don’t try and put the kibosh on it.

Mission (and Mumak) accomplished!

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Elephants!

We originally planned to have some friends up to play a game that I got for Christmas, Unfortunately this didn’t happen. It turned out that Trudes had planned to see Ben earlier in the week and they had arranged to go to the cinema. She doesn’t get to spend a great deal of time with her young man so anytime she does get is very precious. Knowing that the friends concerned would totally understand the situation we cancelled and I stayed home with the pups. Boy would Trudes be in for the cold shoulder when she got home, Richie was extremely put out with the fact that she went out. Normally when she goes out I have both dogs on the sofa with me and they sit quietly content knowing that they are safe and snuggled. today however was a bit different. Several months ago one of the guys from the shop bought a rather large model for the Lord of the Rings table top game, the model concerned is a War Mumak, it’s basically a big elephant with six tusks and a bad attitude. I was asked to paint as the lad isn’t very confident in his painting skills. so, like a fool, I agreed. that was over a year ago. well since I had the house to myself, and given the fact that yesterday I gave the chap my word that the model would be painted and delivered to him on Sunday, I made a start on painting the thing. I started at around 13:00 and finished at about 18:00. I must admit that i am rather pleased with the results so far, and my deadline of having the model finished by Friday night is looking rather realistic.
The model is based on a beastie that features in the books and, obviously, the films, and it is the standard elephant colour, grey! now I’ve never painted something that uses a real animal as the template, I’ve painted a couple of dragons and some weird alien creatures, both of these allow you a free run with your palette. so an elephant was a bit of a challenge, i spent a few hours looking at pictures to get an idea of skin tone and shading, and to get get an idea on the best way to paint the tusks, granted it’s not an accurate representation but it’s close enough for jazz, as you can see by the pictures here.


They don’t really do it justice, the flash from the camera washes out the shading and the background could be better as Trudes pointed out. but the important thing will be Sunday when I present it to the owner and see how he reacts to the end result, I expect I shall be a bit worried that he will hate it, but knowing him as I do that’s rather unlikely. All I have left to say about this particular model is, although I’ve enjoyed painting the model, I’m never going to do another one.

Fossils!

I walked the pups a bit late this morning, I managed an all too rare Saturday lay in, well lateish, Ronnii had me get up at 09:00 as she was desperate for a pee, so I grabbed Richie and we were soon outside in the cold and the wind and the rain, the pups didn’t seem to mind, Richie even went so far as to take us on a bit of a tour. He gets a bit stubborn and refuses to walk, when he gets like this I either have to pick him up and carry him home or follow him. Today I let him take charge and we had a bit of a wander and he found some new smells, and we got shouted at by what sounded like a rather large dog, Richie shouted back and the big dog did his best wolf impression.

Once we were home I made my nearest and dearest a cup of coffee and then headed down to the shop to see the lads at the 40k club and see what I could spend my vouchers on. I settled for two boxes of Assault marines, they should do some damage. I only stayed for a short while, overseeing one game and taking time out to explain to the guys that to be actively involved in the hobby the really should get some dice and have, at least, a basic understanding of the rules.

I left the shop at about 13:00 to jump on a bus to Canterbury, as I learned earlier in the week that the annual fossil road show was being held at the Museum of Canterbury. So I took time out from my usual Saturday activity to visit the museum as I've missed it each year for the past four or five. It's moved since my last visit, from the Beany museum to the Museum of Canterbury. On arrival it was nice to find that the entry fee had been reduced for the event from £3.50 to £2. Each room had a display and at least two very helpful people staffing it. I didn't get a good look at the first table as there were quite a few very excited children asking questions about the items on display. There was a rather fun looking "Dino-Dig" where small peeps could hunt for fossils that had been buried in sand, with the added bonus of keeping the fossil they found. There was also a quiz that the children could do, and if they answered all the questions correctly they were rewarded with a small bag of fossils. moving on to another table that had some well preserved crabs, turtle shells and fish bones, sadly I didn't get a chance to speak to the chap manning this table as he was deeply involved in helping another chap identify a find. Thinking it best to leave them to it I went into the next room where I saw some beautiful Ammonites and belemnites, much better than any I've found on my local beach, jealous much? I chatted with the nice lady supervising this spread and correctly identified a few items. I was quite pleased that I didn't sound like an idiot, stuffed up on a mammoth tooth because of the fact that it had freshly broken open and I saw, for the first time, what one looked like on the inside. Wow is a word that springs to mind. I also mistook a fossil sponge for a mososaur tooth, but in my defence it was very similar in shape. I headed downstairs to the final area and it was clear that I'd saved the best until last. On the first table were some fantastic crabs, fish and lobsters, but the best pieces were, without doubt, the fossilised snakes and a croc that was part of the stomach contents of something much bigger and probably much meaner. I could clearly see bones and teeth and a couple of gastroliths. I was very impressed with the iguanodon and Ichthyosaur remains and chatted with the lucky chaps who had been fortunate enough to find these remarkable fossils. The last table I visited was displaying what I thought was a mammoth bone but the young lady sitting at the table corrected me and said that it was, in fact, an elephant bone. There were also deer remains and an extremely nice tusk from an elephant. Also on this table were stone tools ranging from arrow heads through axes and all manner of wonderful things. Our ancestors were quite ingenious, so there you have it, a couple of well spent hours chatting with some very knowledgeable people. It's a shame this is only an annual event as I would like there to be a larger, longer fossil based event in the area. I think the highlight of the day has to be the expressions of wonder on the faces of the kids as they learned about the things they were seeing. I don't think they quite grasped the concept of the age of the fossils, to mast ten year olds an hour is an eternity, but they certainly enjoyed themselves. There needs to be more events like this as it raises awareness of a pastime that means kids get out and do something rather than sitting in front of a computer screen. Well done to the organisers and collectors and thank you, Although it was a small event, it was worth the travel time and certainly worth the £2 entry fee, it’s also rekindled my need to spend some time down the Warren, with the rough weather we’ve had these last couple of days I would think that some good stuff has been washed out of the clays, I also hope to get a visit to Pett level, on the Sussex coast, in this year, although one visit isn’t enough. If I had my way I’d take a tent and spend a night there and get two days fossil hunting done.

The region hasn’t had a clear night for the better part of two weeks and now that I have some of the things I wanted for the ‘scope I’m very eager to get out and set the Meade up, according to the forecast it should be clear on Tuesday, well one can live in hope. There are also plans afoot to set about getting a new ‘scope, it involves saving and probably a trip to either Tunbridge, Dorking or Sittingbourne, check back in a few weeks for an update on that one, and once the weather improves I’ll try and get down the Warren and collect some fossils which I’ll post pictures of. You never know I may be able to persuade my nearest and dearest into taking a walk with me and taking the pups, they may be useful in sniffing fossils out, you never know!

hoppy burpday

Today has been pleasantly quiet, I had a lay in and took the pups for a stroll quite late, I was given my birthday gifts I got a head lamp and some mini LED lights from the pups, the head lamp will come in very useful on my next trip to the Dover fortifications. Trudes got me The Sorcerers Apprentice on DVD, a film I’ve wanted to see but never got around to it. So that’s all good. From Trudy’s folks I got a gift voucher for the shop so that will probably go towards one of the three Land Raiders I want for the Space Marine army. Trudes has said that I have some more pressies on the way so I shall look forward to those, and other friends have been awaiting confirmation on whether or not to get me something from Games Workshop. I sent a message saying as much so that should be winging its way soon.

I received a rather nice card from a very good friend who I’ve now known for around twenty years, I have to admit that the words inside it did bring a lump to my throat and nearly made my eyes leak, I was very touched. I also got loads of birthday messages via Facebook.

I messaged the friend to ask if he would be coming over, sadly he’s suffering with a long term back problem and was more or less immobile. Trudes asked how he was and when I told her she suggested that I go and pay him a visit. So off I went, It was nice catching up and spending time with a really good mate.

back home and Trudes went in to town to get some bits, including something nice for tea, she came back with a rather tasty chinese meal and cake, cake is always good but I’m reining myself in and not having cake until tomorrow when I can share it with friends who will be calling in.

So I’ve had a nice relaxing birthday and really enjoyed the time.

Tube trains, toys, tat & toe rags!

So here we are at the end of January, it’s been an eventful month. I had two trips to astronomy club, the first was in connection with the BBC stargazing live, fortunately we were lucky enough to have clear skies for the event and we have several new members as a result.

On the home front it has been somewhat fractious with Richie being in complete hump mode as Ronnii hit the peak of her season. How Trudy prevented herself from going completely potty I will never understand, the noises Richie was making were quite annoying, I’m sure that there’s an audio out there somewhere. If you find it, put your speaker volume up as loud as it will go and then put the audio file on loop for three hours. He was making that noise for the whole time he was awake. Things got so bad for Trudes that she took Richie out for three hours walking him down to the beach and back. By the time they got home he was too tired to make any noise, but my girl was at her wits end. Fortunately the whining and moaning came to an end Wednesday night.

Wednesday I went off to the 2011 Toy Fair at London Olympia with Sue and Mickey. I have to admit that there are some fantastic things that will be released later in the year and there’s also a possibility that Sue has found an independent supplier of building models that are slightly cheaper than the all powerful GW. Having seen the boxes and felt the weight of the boxes, I’d say that you get your moneys worth.

Mike and I got there about two hours before Sue, we left home at 05:30, I was up and ready by 05:00. I left little Ronnii rocket sound asleep on my bed; it seemed such a shame to disturb her as she looked so sweet all stretched out and snoozy. I left the house just after five and had a ten minute wait for Mike. When he arrived he thrust a bottle of coke at me and then informed me that I’d lost him a bet. It turns out that my friends, using the term loosely, had had a bit of a wager as to whether I would need a phone call to get me up, to say that I was shocked and wounded would be an understatement. We arrived at the O2 by 07:30 and made our way to the venue via the tube, I hate the tube, it’s smelly and crowded and people are just plain rude. We finally arrived at Olympia and because we were there a bit early we headed in to the high street for some breakfast. Full English with a cuppa and a piece of apple strudel the size of a house brick for less than £8, can’t go wrong there. Then back to the arena to get registered and into the show. The only real issue I have with the toy fair is the fact that there’s so much to see, even removing the stuff Sue doesn’t sell still leaves a fair amount to take in, plus we were also looking for new suppliers. I saw some brilliant stuff, but as with any form of merchandising, for every one decent product, there are about 20 that are complete rubbish, the new inflatable Dalek is just one that I feel the need to mention. This thing is tat, it’s basically a battery operated mini dodgem car that has had a rubbish Dalek stuck to it, they’ve not even used a proper Dalek, and it’s a transparent version of one of the hideous power ranger Daleks that was introduced last year. The thing is going to retail at around £199, in my opinion, that’s about £175 to much. We left the fair all too soon, grabbing some nosh on the way back to the O2 and the car; how people who work in the city do it I shall never understand. More smelly over crowded trains and pushing and shoving. The journey back was fairly easy going, although I did get a bit of an odd look from Mike for using the Sat-Nav on my phone, but I explained to him that I was using it because I could, not because I didn’t trust his sense of direction. Although he did get us lost on the way home from London once. Arriving home just after 20:15 it had been a long day and my feet were very sore, if I’m honest they ached more than after the walk to Dover, probably because I was standing still for a while at certain exhibitors. Despite the sore feet I really enjoyed the day and I’m already looking forward to next years. My only real issue is that once again we didn’t get into see what a company called Character Options would be bringing out, They produce action figures and play sets for Doctor Who and Primeval, and with new series of both this year it would have been nice to see what was on the way. But due to the fact that they won’t let you on their stand unless you deal directly with them we stood no chance of seeing the new releases, and the Dr Who stuff is displayed in its own room so we couldn’t even peek over the barriers.

Friday 28^th saw a trip to Woodchurch via Hythe to astronomy club, as predicted by the attendance of our Stargazing live event, numbers have indeed swelled and the hall was packed. This is brilliant as the more members the club has the better chance it has of staying strong, and I have to be honest but the last Friday of the month is something I really look forward to. Sadly cloudy skies put paid to any chance of observing, which is a shame. The month on the whole has been a bit rubbish, excluding the stargazing Live I’ve only been able to get a scope out once this month, the last time I tried was when Smiffy came over and we were going to be painting, I planned to do an hour’s observing with him, but by the time I had set the scopes up it had clouded over.

I am currently waiting for a flexible focusing rod to arrive, this will make focusing the Meade easier when it’s in a vertical position and I ordered a new webcam, birthday treat that will, hopefully, allow me to get some video and still images of the night sky.

Tuesday 1^st February is my birthday and I must admit that I’m more than a bit curious about what Trudes has got me, she rushed out yesterday (Sunday) to get a couple of bits and she has said that the pups have got me something that is being delivered, so hopefully that will arrive in time. There’s a chance that she may also be getting me a pocket watch, the one I told her I liked is beautiful. It’s exactly the type I’ve been wanting for many years. I don’t yet know exactly what I’m going to do on Tuesday, I have the day off so I may get a lay in, although I doubt it as Richie and Ronnii will still be needing a stroll first thing so I shall still be up relatively early, but if I’m lucky there may be a bacon sandwich in the offing.

Two good things about February, my birthday, plus two other good friends have their birthdays later in the month, and only 28 days, so both payday and astronomy club come round a bit sharpish, I’m not sure what the talk is about, I was hoping it would be the one our chairman is doing about “Killer Asteroids” but that’s not until March, I’m looking forward to that one.

In closing, whilst I’m on the subject of the astronomy clubs chairman, Drew is an author and, from what I understand, a rather good one. Some of Drew’s books are available free of charge from his website. However an unscrupulous toe rag who goes by the name of Peter Michelsen has made some of Drew’s books available on Amazon and claims that he is the author, I suspect that the fella may be a bit of a brain below as the thumbnails for the books by Drew still have his name as the author. Anyways, this Michelsen character is charging for the download of books that are in fact free to download. Not only has he stolen my friends work but he’s also attempting to make a profit from his nefarious activity. The git! With luck the matter will be rectified and Drew will be able to claim damages from either the person responsible and/or Amazon.

Either way I wish him good luck in sorting this matter out.

That’s it for now; no doubt I shall be back with more mundane ramblings in the near future.

I have nothing to declare but my genius!

It’s been rather quiet on the homestead except for the randy ruminations of a certain pup who is swathed in the aroma of a girly pup in full season. the noises that poor Richie’s making are not pleasant and I can fully imagine the thoughts going through his little doggie brain. After all there’s a lady mutt wandering around the house giving him the full “come on then!” and every time he give it a shot me or the missus storm in and scoop one of them up, poor little fella.

On Tuesday i managed to get out with a telescope, a nearly full moon presented some fantastic viewing even if if it can be a bit blinding. It also means that a great amount of other objects get washed out by the glare of the moon, although I could just make out the Andromeda Galaxy and the great Nebula in Orion.

I did manage to get some rather good images of the moon and I’ve made a small discovery that should, if all goes well, allow me to get some rather stonking images of the night sky. All I need to do is read the manual for my camera and the end product should be quite good. I say quite good because the camera’s only small and not a DSLR. I’ve had various results with previous experiments, from holding the camera to the eye piece and using the camera on my phone in the same way. Some of the images have been good, some not so good, I think I need to sit down with the camera and muck about with the settings and take some more pictures to work out what produces the best results. I’m fairly sure that shutter speed has something to do with it.

There are three pieces of kit that I want to get for the Meade, the first is a webcam adaptor that will enable me to mount a webcam on the scope so that i can take video images of the moon and planets and then, by using some very complicated software, turn the video into a photograph, at least that’s the theory. The second item is and extended focuser, this is basically a flexible rod that replaces the focusing knob (ooer) so that the scope can be easily focused when pointing vertical as the knob is located in a very awkward place and my stubby little fingers can’t get to it very well. Finally there’s a piece of kit called an alignmate, it’s more gadget than functional, but it does serve a couple of good purposes, firstly it aids the user in ensuring the scope is level at set up, this is achieved by the bubble level on the top section, the whole thing sits in the eyepiece socket. Once the scope is levelled the user flips the unit over and using the compass mounted in the other end makes pointing the scope north relatively easy, once again that’s the theory. Finally the way the alignmate has been designed it makes for an excellent dust plug. I think my use of the Meade would benefit from the addition of a dew shield so I may have have a go at knocking one up, flexible black plastic and some Velcro fastening, how hard can it be?

It’s Astronomy Club at the end of the week and I’m looking forward to it, hopefully we’ll have clear skies and with the moon now waning I should be able to get some nice images. I also have a trip to London to look forward to on Wednesday, you never know I may even be returning with some news on a certain series that returns in the spring.

Just some of the images I’ve taken over the last few weeks, the top two were taken with the camera on my phone, the third is from a 2 megapixel camera and the last one is from a 10 megapixel camera. I hope that with a bit more practice I’ll get a better idea of what i need to do to get better quality images, and if I’m really mean, I’ll post some on here.

 

 

I must admit that I’m rather pleased with the results, and look forward to seeing my efforts improve.

Poorly pup! :o(

The week has almost passed and up until Wednesday night it hadn’t been too bad, what bought a dampener on the week was noticing that Ronnii, our Yorkie, had something rather unpleasant looking near her nethers. On closer inspection it appeared that she had some sort of prolapsed in that region. We found her insurance policy and rang a 24 hour vet helpline who advised that she see a vet ASAP. Thursday morning arrived and Trudes rang the vet that we use in Hythe and arranged for Ronnii to be seen at ten. By ten forty Trudes rang me to say that Ronnii had something called a semi necrotic polyp. Apparently it looks and sounds worse than it actually is, Trudes’ has advised me not to look it up on Google, and so I have no intention of doing so. From the way she phrased it I wouldn’t advise anyone should. Friday morning I will be taking little Ronnii Rocket down to the vet where I will leave her in the capable hands of what I consider to be the best vet in the area. So I’m a bit more at ease knowing that she will be in the most caring environment possible, other than home of course, but I am a little worried as it turns out that Ronnii isn’t about six years old as we were led to believe, she is actually nearer eleven years old. This changes everything, were she six then the risks presented by a general anesthetic wouldn’t be as high, but with her being much older there is a greater chance that being knocked out could be quite dangerous. Fortunately I have absolute trust in the vet and if he says that she will be fine, then I’m sure she will be, but you can’t help but worry.

Of course this does mean that Ronnii Rocket will have to wear a lamp shade for a while and we will have to be extra vigilant in keeping Richie off her back, quite literally, but once she recovered I don’t doubt that she’ll be back to her normal self and seeing Richie off herself.

On top of this, Trudes has a very nasty throat infection and feeling particularly yucky, but given the fact that chemo has shot her immune system to pot she’s been quite lucky. I know that we’ll get through this rough patch, but I also know that she was desperately hoping to start 2011 with a better result than the one she got. In an odd way Ronnii being poorly has helped to distract her from her own fears and focus on making sure that the pup will be ok. It’s odd how people face adversity and I have the deepest admiration for the way Trudy has openly held herself together over the last twelve months, perhaps longer. I am certain that when I have been at work or out in general she has allowed herself to drop the brave face she puts on every day. She may not think it but I think that she is one of the bravest people I know, and for that I love her wholly.

Whilst I’m on the subject of brave, I happened to see the beginning of Dancing on Ice on Sunday, one of the contestants is a former soldier who served in Iraq, he sustained terrible injuries and he is still recovering from those injuries that he received seven years ago. He put the lives of others above his own and saved the lives of other soldiers, not once but twice. He was awarded the Victoria Cross for his actions, rightly so. To me, this man is the complete definition of the word “hero” whilst many people use that word to describe football players or talent show winners; they aren’t even close in comparison.

Astronomy club

Hello you, welcome to 2011, I hope the year has started well for you, if it has I hope it continues to be good, if it didn’t then let’s hope it gets better.

I went back to work on Tuesday, oh joy! It hasn’t been too bad but it’s early in the year so we’ll see what happens. I had the day off on Friday as Trudes was off to hospital and the pups needed someone with them. Little Ronnii’s come into season and we can’t risk letting Richie have his wicked way with her. It wouldn’t be good for her and with Richie’s heart problem it wouldn’t be great for him either. So I had a couple of hours with them whilst Trudes was off at the hospital.

This morning, being Saturday, I set off to the shop. It was only going to be a short visit to return some lights and catch up with the lads and Sue. Whilst waiting for the bus to Hythe I looked up at the sky. It had rained heavily during the night and there was a rather strong wind. This was more than a bit disappointing because the astronomy club was holding an event as part of the BBC’s Stargazing Live. Knowing the weather as I do I consigned myself to the fact that cloud would be the norm for the rest of the weekend and the only astronomy done would be via a computer. Things were looking better by the time I left Folkestone at five; a red tint to the sky and the noticeable lack of cloud over Ashford indicated that we might have clear skies over the club sight. Taking the time to look up when I arrived the skies were indeed clear and this meant that we would be able to get the scopes out. The event was due to start at six and finish at nine, we started a little late and people were still arriving. It was incredible to see the amount of people that had come. On a normal astronomy club night we have around 50 people, tonight there was around 150. The hall was packed and when the clubs chairman gave the opening talk there was standing room only. Drew talked for about forty minutes and then we took telescopes outside and set up for an evening’s stargazing.

I took both of my scopes along, the Meade and the Tasco, I spent about ten minutes aligning the Meade and got it set up fairly well. The first object I set it to was the Pleiades cluster, the only view I got of it was when I checked the field of view because there was at least ten people all eager to look through the scope. Fortunately the Meade tracks an object so I could leave it for people to look through and this also allowed me to set up the Tasco. Setting up the Tasco isn’t too difficult, unless the finder scope has been knocked out of alignment. It had so I had to spend a few minutes centring the scope on a bright object and then I had to adjust the finder scope. This didn’t take too long and it was a good thing too because people were now starting to queue up to look through the Tasco. I set it on Jupiter and stepped aside so everyone could see what the scope was on. I was asked questions and, hopefully, answered them informatively without too much techno babble. I also managed to decide what the subject for my next talk will be. Although it won’t be until November I can make good use of the time to ensure that I can make a good presentation and not be so naff and stutter quite so much, I can also make sure that I can cover all possible questions at the end.

The subject will be extra-solar planets; I have ten months to prepare, what could possibly go wrong?

Next Sunday is an adult gaming day, there is a possibility that it will be the last one, there’s not a great deal of interest and I’m seriously beginning to wonder if it’s worth the hassle of opening the shop for the day. I know that it brings a few quid in but it also means that I won’t be wasting a Sunday waiting for people to turn up. We start at ten but the few guys that do show up don’t usually get there until gone twelve which means that I’ve sat freezing my backside off for two hours for nothing, the alternative is to make it later in the day, I shall see how it goes on Sunday before I make a decision.

So with my head reeling from the brilliant evening at Woodchurch, I have no doubt that this has done wonders for the club, we should certainly get new members as a result. This is great because it’s the members that keep the club going, and it’s some that I can honestly say that I’m proud to be a part of. The atmosphere at the club is fantastic and I look forward to every meeting, I just wish we could meet more often.

2010, the year of the something or other!

Well 2010 draws to a close as I write this, so I guess it’s time to review the past 12 months. I suppose it’s always good to start at the beginning. January was a fairly quiet month, I visited the Toy Fair with Sue and Mickey, Mickey and I also found the time to visit the Natural History museum and the Forbidden Planet where I managed to get hold of the, now difficult to find, River Song Sonic Screwdriver, honestly they’re as rare as hens teeth now, E-bay is about the only place you can find them now. I only had one trip to the NHM this year instead of the standard three; I plan to go in the New Year but maybe a bit later in, although I would like to see the deep sea exhibition that’s there at the moment.

February was fairly quiet, Very early in the month Trudes and I went to the SFX Weekender, I got to meet some of my childhood heroes, Tom Baker and Elizabeth Sladen, Trudes went all gooey over James Marsters and the bloke from Torchwood who isn’t Captain Jack.

March and April were actually quiet; as well as the Chambers Beer Festival, Frulli’s nice, the major event was the arrival of a certain Yorkshire Terrier that ended up firmly entrenched in our hearts. Over the next few months Molly touched the hearts of many of my friends who were all enamoured with her, and who could blame them?

In May we temporarily fostered a sweet little chap called Harry, those who read about on the blog will be pleased to know he’s doing very well and has found a superb forever home where he is truly loved.

June was the usual daily stuff and was fairly dull as months go, I may skip June this year as it was so dull. July however was a bit more exciting as I walked from Capel to Dover with some of the best mates a man could want; there was some pretty decent nosh at the end of it too, plus a fairly good pint.

July saw the first of many trips to the vet for Molly, this first visit result in molly having a short stay in hospital. This brought home the reality that our sweet Molly Popples was only going to be with us for a short time so we decided to make the most of every single moment we would have with her.

August saw a return visit to a place we stopped at whilst walking to Dover, an area called Lydden Spout, during the Second World War this was part of the defensive emplacements along the Kent coast. This second visit saw us exploring the area in much greater detail, not only all three gun pits but the magazines and plotting rooms. There are plans afoot to return to the plotting rooms to install a desk for the book of remembrance that has been placed there. We also went camping at the end of the month, Molly had a special set of pyjamas made for her and was absolutely doted on by all who were there. She had the time of her life, wandering around fields and nomming rabbit poop, she even joined for an hours fishing. She sat with us around a bon fire and toasted marsh mallows and sang songs; well we sang she looked on with that look that an embarrassed child might give you. Despite the bad singing and late nights, a good time was had by all. August also saw another serious trip for Molly to the hospital.

As it turned out, it was Molly’s last trip to the hospital, on Friday the third of September, my sweet little Molly Popples crossed the rainbow bridge and my heart shattered into a thousand pieces, I hadn’t realised until then how much that little pup meant to me, I don’t think I’ve blubbed so much for many years. Shortly after saying goodbye to Molly we were joined by Richie. He’s another LDR dog and despite my best efforts to keep a sensible distance and not get too attached he’s now a major part of our lives and also loved by friends, as it should be really. What helped us decide to foster him was the fact that Richie was bought to the house to see how he got on with Molly, they got on really well and it was almost as if she had chosen him to be our second dog, so it seemed only fitting that he should come to live with us. I also gave a talk for an Archaeology club that makes a total of four public talks I’ve given. I’m scheduled to give a talk for the Astronomy club in November, at present I have no idea what the subject matter will be but I will allow a month or two to work that out.

October saw the arrival of Ronnii, she too is a TLDR dog but with a difference, she is ours! I know that makes no real difference regarding how the dogs are treated, they are equally loved and cared for and neither dog is more special than the other, although I’m sure there’s times when that’s open to debate. Trudy managed to retrieve her Meade telescope from her ex, I may have gotten a little excited about that, after all you know me and new gadgets. October also saw us visited by an old friend who had come over from the States, it was great to catch up and hear that friends over there were doing well; I’m so pleased that everything has worked out for Phil and Sue, and I wish them both every happiness for the future.

That leaves November and December, These were quiet save for a rather fantastic Boxing Day get together with some great mates and a trip to Dover Castle the following day, I have to admit that I was a bit stiff the next day after running around like a possessed school boy, not a good idea when you reach my age.

On the whole 2010 has had some high points and some very low points, health wise I’ve lost almost 3 stone and plan to continue doing whatever it is I’ve been doing. The problem is that I’m not sure what I’ve been doing, all I know is I’ve lost the weight.

The one thing that has amazed me is the fact that so many people around the planet read this drivel, Over the last few days I've visitors from Malaysia, all over the United States, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Russia and Poland to name but a few. All I can say to that is, "wow!" and thank you all for taking the time to read about the (mis)adventures of such a grumpy and cantakerous old so and so, I shall try to make my blog post more interesting over the next 12 months so please keep dropping by.

So that’s it for 2010, in January I already have plans to take part in another toy fair, which may also include a museum trip of some sort, we shall have to wait and see, the last thing for me to do is wish you all a happy and prosperous 2011, may you receive everything you wish for and deserve.

See ya!

Turkeys, tinsel and time pieces!

Trudes and I had a quiet Christmas day, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a jolly one. Trudes was very happy with all the things that she got from me. And I was over the moon with the gifts from Trudes and the pups. Amongst the loads of lovely pressies was a meccano robot that I had to build, unusually for such things it came with batteries, huzzah! There was also a Bill Bailey DVD and two Ian Rainkin books, I haven’t read any of his stuff before but the blurb on the back made them sound good. I also got a Kathy Riechs book, the TV series Bones is based on them; again I haven’t read any before so it will be a new experience. I got a fantastic watch from the in-laws, you need a degree in mathematics to understand it, but it has flashy lights and looks very sci-fi. So I’m looking forward to showing that off. I’m not going to list what the missus got; you can find out on her blog, I don’t want to steal her thunder.

Tomorrow (Sunday) we have friends visiting, I’m very much looking forward to the day, although I have to pop out early in the morning to get some shopping, I swear if it wasn’t for the last minute I’d get nothing done. Poor Trudes is going to be running around like a headless turkey sorting out the scoff for the day, and we have saved one or two pressies from friends to open on the day. I’m very curious about one of the gifts, although I think I have an Idea what one of Teas is.

On Monday there’s a chance of a visit to Dover castle, I really hope this happens as I haven’t been there since the revamp, of course I’d love for Trudes to be coming with me, but I’m not sure she would be able to handle all the stairs and travelling, plus someone has to be at home with the pups. However I do plan to pup sit for her if she wants to spend time with her son/folks, or visit other friends.

Anyways, that’s about it for now, I think the next entry will be a review of the year. I hope, dear reader, you had a good Christmas and spent it loved ones as it should be. Until my next entry, keep warm, and don’t drink and drive. You’re likely to spill it and short out the dashboard electrics.

Toodles

The Raven

It’s been somewhat of a tradition, well for me anyway, to read or watch a ghost story on Christmas day. I don’t know how or why it started, it just did. For me the best Christmas ghost story is A Christmas Carol but that’s a bit long to put here. Si I’ve decided to put up my second favourite tale, Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven”. Enjoy

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

By the way, Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket...

I have come to the conclusion that Christmas shopping is, in fact, just another level of hell! I set off to work this morning for a staff meeting and a cuppa with my colleagues. We were only in for half a day and before we went our separate ways we checked that the building was secure and not likely to burst into flames over the next week and a bit. I was feeling a bit peckish by the time we left so I thought I’d nip into MacDonald’s for a bit of scoff only to discover that it was packed full of people who had exactly the same idea as me, they could have had it a bit later but never mind. I gave up on the thought and set off in search of gifts for the missus. Oh dear, the town was heaving! First stop was W H Smiths, not for Trudes but to pick up my monthly Astro mags. Then the real horror struck as I wandered in and out of various girly type shops looking for the ideal thing for a girl. It’s not that I don’t like shopping; it’s more a case that I’m a bit of a misanthrope. I don’t have much time for the type of people you generally encounter. When I shop I tend to go in, get what I need and get out again. Admittedly this doesn’t always go to plan as I have a tendency to be somewhat forgetful. So I know that when I enter the maze of consumerism that is a supermarket I will become more than a little fretful as I run through the list of things I need to get. My stress levels are not helped by doddering old dears who have just met in the middle of the dairy aisle and are taking the chance to catch up on not having seen each other for the last three months. Not so bad except for the fact that they’re standing between their trolleys and blocking the entire section. Of course they can hear a five pound note hit the floor from five miles away, but when you say “excuse me” they both become as deaf as posts and seem to take up more room than before. Then there are the people who stop you to ask if you know where the cheese is, do I look like a member of staff? Finally the shops conspire against you, they move things, one day you find the bread near the bakery section, naturally, the next day it’s with the breakfast cereal. Leave it be, it’s getting to the stage where I’ll need a blooming sat-nav to find the stuff I want.

I read somewhere that it is the season of goodwill, this being the case, why are people so flipping miserable? I have a perfectly good excuse, I’m a grumpy old man, and I make no effort to hide the fact that a vast majority of the human race annoys me, particularly anyone younger than me and considerably older. When I pay for my stuff there isn’t so much as a smile, the checkout operator just crams your stuff in a bag and sends you on your way. Considering the fact that I am such a cantankerous old git, I still manage to muster up a bit of joviality.

Anyway the shopping is done and I have purchased presents and picked up a couple of bits that were needed for Sunday, so I can now relax and forget work for the next eleven days and focus on making sure that my sweet girl has a jolly time with our friends.

It’s a mad world made even more mad by the festive season!

Christmas Fruitcake recipe

1 C Water
1 C Sugar
4 Large eggs
3 C dried fruit
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 C Brown sugar
Lemon juice, nuts
1 FULL bottle of your favourite whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take out a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 C of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still OK.
Cry another cup. Turn off the mixer.
Break two geggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Mix on the burner.
If the fried fruit gets stuck in the beaters,
pry it loose with a screwdriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for toxisisticity.
Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one tablespoon of sugar or something...whatever you can find.
Grease the oven. Turn on the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window.
Check the whiskey again. Go to bed.
Who the hell likes fruit cake anyway???

I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

Having exhausted my supply of festive based ramblings, I now resort to writing my own inane drivel again. With less than a week left of work, 2.5 days to be exact, I can only hope that the wage elves are working extra hard on ensuring that my wages hit my bank account in time to do shopping. We’re having friends in for Boxing Day so Trudes and I shall have a quiet 25^th and make up for it on the 26^th with festive frolics, fun and frivolity. There will be six persons in attendance, including me and Tea, so one thing I would like to do is a never mind the buzzcocks type quiz, assuming the visitors will be up for a bit of music trivia. There’s the chance of a visit to Dover castle on the 27^th, I would like to go as I think that it is the best castle in the world, a view swayed more than a little by the fact that I grew up in Dover and spent a great deal of my younger years exploring the site. There are a few secrets that remain as such, I doubt that I’ll ever get the place to reveal everything about its history, but that’s ok because I like not knowing if some of the secrets are the stuff of myth and legend. There’s enough in my head to entertain a party of visitors for a good few hours and if I do get to go along I will try very hard not to bore the group with useless facts, unless I get asked of course, although there is the high risk of opening the flood gates and not being able to shut me up.

I had one of the worst trips into town after work today, mad people everywhere and each and every one of them buying as much bread and milk as they can stuff into a trolley, purely because they are worrying that the light sprinkling of snow we had yesterday my shut the country down again. So after cutting the shopping trip short, due to chavs hogging every check out, I headed to the bus station, only to discover that the busses were running to some very odd timetable, they were running bad enough this morning, or should that be not running? Forty five minute I waited for a flipping bus, needless to say I was late in this morning. So I waited for any bus heading in the right direction and ended up getting on one that had a small child that screamed constantly from the moment it got on the bus up until it got off, the mother of said screamer did nothing more than tell her darling little offspring to shut up. There were two other words in there but I can only write one of them here, and it was “the”. I think all the little fella wanted was a bit of comforting, instead it got sworn at. Mummy had obviously run out of patience, if she had any in the first place.

Tomorrow, being Saturday, I’m off to the shop for the last, official, club meet up of the year. I’m rather looking forward to it, not because it’s the last one for 2010, but because I get to hear the speculation from the lads about what they’ve got by way of 40k stuff. The beauty of it is that I know most of it and I doubt there will be any disappointment on the 25^th. I expect to see some very happy faces when we start up again next year.

Well that just about wraps up this entry, Hope yawl have a good’un

Christmas Is Coming – A Turkey’s Tale

When I was a young turkey, new to the coop,
My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow,
And he told me there was something that I had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember,
When he told me of the horrors of..... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me,
Each day you'll get six meals instead of just three,

"And soon you'll be thick, where once you were thin,
And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin;

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed,
In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald 'n pink,
And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink;

"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing,
"She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat,
I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked,
I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola,
High roughage salads, juice and diet cola;

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes,
I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes;

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half,
And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath,
As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around,
I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap;
I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap;

She held me today, while sewing and humming,
And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming..."

Christmas dog

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.
What's that now---footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard---
And a big sack for robbin' the house?
I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I've frightened the whole bunch away.
Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again.
The stockin's are safe as can be.
Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
And see how I've guarded the tree.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer

Grandma got run over by a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
She'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,
And we'd begged her not to go.
But she'd left her medication,
So she stumbled out the door into the snow.
When they found her Christmas mornin',
At the scene of the attack.
There were hoof prints on her forehead,
And incriminatin' Claus marks on her back.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now were all so proud of Grandpa,
He's been takin' this so well.
See him in there watchin' football,
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with cousin Belle.
It's not Christmas without Grandma.
All the family's dressed in black.
And we just can't help but wonder:Should we open up her gifts or send them back?
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of fig.
And a blue and silver candle,
That would just have matched the hair in Grandma'swig.
I've warned all my friends and neighbours.
Better watch out for yourselves."
They should never give a license,
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves.
Grandma got run over by a reindeer,
Walkin' home from our house, Christmas eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa,
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Christmas Shopping

It was Christmas Eve closing time, nearly
Where a last minute shopper, frustrated clearly
Was rummaging through the freezer cabinet
At her nearest out of town super market
Desperately searching for a frozen turkey
And couldn't find one big enough for her family
Then she saw a young shop assistant pass by
And decided that she would give him a try
"Do these turkeys get any bigger?" she said
Puzzled he replied "No madam, they're dead."

A Christmas tale

At this time of year it is patently clear
That the males are the ones who are blest.
Thoughts like "goodwill to men" we hear time and again
And we find them quite hard to digest.
As we women all know, men think they run the show,
And sometimes we allow them this pause.
But it gets on our nerves, like too many hors d'oeuvres
When we want to get at the main course.
Many times out of mind the same problem we find,
Leaving plans to the menfolk is risky.
Christmas spirit they think is some kind of a drink,
Such as vodka, Baccardi, or whiskey.
Since we carry the load, men keep out of our road,
We are ready and willing and able.
For it's perfectly clear, that the stuffed turkeys here
Are not always confined to the table.
The traditional way is now rather passe,
Lets give credit, where credit is due.
Then you'll see, man or boy, in return you'll enjoy
The fruits of OUR goodwill to you.