Just when they think they know all the answers, I change the questions.

  As another week closes on us and we prepare for the weekend, I was shocked to learn that due to the “baggage” I carry, I’m considered to be a “lame duck”! According to definition a “lame duck” is someone who is weak or falls behind in ability or achievement. Weak? Hmmmmm, there are things about myself that will NEVER be mentioned in this blog, not because I’m ashamed of them, quite the opposite in fact! Also because I have no intention of talking publicly about it. My closest friends and my OH know about most of it, the OH knows a little more than most. My future in-laws are also aware of my “issues”. As said in earlier entries, the one thing that really ticks me off is people who judge a person, without even knowing them. I don’t just mean me, given my chosen career, I see a lot of incidents where people assume that a person has no ability to react or respond for themselves. I like to refer to it as the “does he take sugar?” syndrome. Yet again someone has made a snap decision based on insufficient knowledge. In actual fact, none at all. I can be loud, lary, annoying and somewhat thoughtless. But who has the right to base their view of someone after what amounts to less than ten minutes in their company. When considering what I do to earn my crust, one of the most important skills is reading people, I can recognise signs that a person is about to lose their temper, I can work out how bad it’s going to be. I can make a fair assessment of a person disposition towards others. But with all the training I have, I still need a couple of hours minimum before I have even a basic idea of someone’s character. However, a short while ago I met someone who is not only unattractive on the outside, but inside as well. The word “dragon” doesn’t even begin to sum up how vile this woman is. I’m not easily bothered by people, some make me uneasy, once in a while they scare the be-jesus out of me. Well this old crone was the latter. She seems to have the opinion, “I’m not happy, why should any other so & so be?” a sad old battle axe, who likes nothing more than bringing others down. Sadly there’s a possibility that our paths will cross again, if that happens and she tries to bring any of my loved ones down, or push them around, she’ll be told that she will not be welcome in our lives. I’ve slain dragons before, they’re no big threat. All you need to know is what colour dragon has what type of breath weapon. For instance a red dragon has fire as a breath weapon, so when facing such a beastie you simply need to carry lots of things that protect you from fire. So, as they say, forewarned is forearmed, and I am prepared for this particular dragon. I’ve sharpened my greatsword +5 v dragons, I’ve polished my red dragon skin armour and I have a ring of fire protection and the OH has a big hose. So when this old wyrm awakens, she’s getting it in the craw, from me and her neice.

Friday night was the usual RPG night, well that’s not entirely accurate, Tea gave me a bottle of Jack Daniels to pass on to Lord Oli, and on the way home I stopped in the shop and picked up some coke and some lemonade as I didn’t know what Lord Oli mixed with it, turned out to be coke. Anyhoo there was only about ten minutes of D&D played before Lord Oli opened the bottle. By the end of the evening I’d had four, yes four, glasses of JD and coke, using Lord Oli measures, but before I went to bed I had to have a bottle of Doom Bar, my favourite ale. The other cool thing about Friday night was the fact that our usual pizza suppliers are, once again, doing buy one get one free on large pizzas. HOO RAH! So two large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas, with extra cheese, were winging their way to us. Oh sweet lord!

Saturday has been shop day, slightly hectic and I think the lads had been on too much sugar again, oh joy. But on the whole the day was good and the lads were, as usual, fairly well behaved. I saw an old friend and told her the news of my forth coming nuptials; she was very pleased and suggested that I should let my ex know. I’m not too sure how that will go down so I’m giving it some thought; I’ll keep you posted on that.

At the end of day, I had a couple of errands to run, most of which involved ambling around Waitrose, cat food, milk, sugar and a couple of other bits. As I was leaving the cigarette counter area was fairly crowded and I had to squeeze through, as I did I knocked some fella with my backpack, so lightly may I add that I didn’t even notice, anyways I heard this fella say “yeah Thanks” as I passed him so I figured I must have knocked him, so being the polite well mannered young chap I am, I apologised. Blokeys response was “yeah, well, apology accepted!” the tone in his voice was one of contempt, as if he was doing me a favour, so as I walked away from him, he was a bit on the stunty side btw, I replied “oh thank you so much, I feel so honoured” “you f**king well should be!” he retorted, he must have learned that snappy come back at school. Definitely suffering from short man syndrome. Being a bit miffed with his attitude, and obviously the better man I simply suggested that he “shut up”, childish I know but I didn’t want to lower myself to his level. Like the old saying goes, never argue with an idiot, they’ll bring you down to their level then beat you with experience! I bashed the fella, I said sorry, he started giving me attitude, I guess I bruised his itty bitty ego, cock!

So it’s now Saturday night and I’m settling down with my fiancée and watch bones, lie to me and life on mars USA. Lie to me could cause a problem as the OH isn’t too keen on Tim Roth. Oh well says I, she’s made me sit through the X sodding factor so she has to sit through some of my trite. It could be worse, I could make her sit through three hours of thundercats and gen 1 transformers. Oh just remembered, when you use a digital camera to take a photo down the top of your OH’s dress, DO NOT then pass said camera to your future step son. it does raise some interesting questions, and the little toe rag deleted it. Which is rather annoying as it was a very good picture.

That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die

Why is it that when you have a good day, it is invariably followed, almost immediately, by a not so good one? Sadly this rule does not apply in reverse, yesterday was a bit awful, what with the whole banking incident, and the fiasco that was the journey home. I thought I got on the right bus, but it turned out I was on the other one, ooooer missus! No, naughty people, not that other bus, that would be wrong! No the other bus I got on was indeed the 127, right number but wrong destination. So wrong in fact, that the gorram bus set off in the opposite direction. Now normally with local busses, for local people, when the same number goes to two different places, they go from different stops. But not the 127, oh no, it goes from the same stop for both routes. God I’m such a moaning git, whining about busses, all I needs now is an anorak, a note book and an adenoidal tone to my voice.

Any ways, on with today! It’s been shite! Well not all of it, mainly the ridiculous phone call from a company who don’t look at their own records. They damn near gave me a mahoosive coronary, I thought that all dealings with them had ceased on 2^nd October, so when I got a call staying that they hadn’t quite finished with me, that sounds so rude, I was rather shocked. So I started the call on the defensive, actually I was fuming, so the poor lass on the other end of the line copped both barrels. After some of my, now infamous, ranting to sort out the mess these idiots had created. To be honest all it really needed was for one department to contact the other, ask if they got what they were due and be done with it. Instead, however, they phone me AT WORK! Grrrrrrrr! And threaten to set the hounds upon me. So I had to do their leg work and find out when things were settled. What did I get for putting an end to this situation? Nothing, that’s right, sod all! They cause me undue stress, I’m worrying myself stupid, and with the history I have with blood pressure, worrying is not a good thing for me. A simple “oops sorry!” would have been nice. Then there’s the whole poxy laptop issues, the sodding thing’s taken me a week to put right. Knowing the owner as I do, it won’t be long before it gets bought back with more problems. I anticipate some odd problem like the screen goes black when I switch it on, or it takes ages, i.e. 37 seconds, to switch on. What does the owner expect, an instant data transfer straight into the brain stem, firstly you need a brain stem, and secondly I now truly believe that some people really are too stupid to own a computer.

On the lighter side, my boy has agreed to be my best man. A date has been set, I’m being told to sort out my side of the guest list, there’s talk of booking the registry office at the end of the month. Is it too late to changed up my mind? (Snigger, snigger, tee hee!) She’s gonna hit me when she reads that bit. My side of the list is going to be gimongous; it’s a good thing that only one my sister, her husband, her two sons and respective partners may come. Otherwise it would be a complete nightmare and I’d probably end up rowing with my youngest sister, wouldn’t that be jolly, still it’s not a proper without some form of blue!

Todays entry has been a bit meandering, so I’m gonna sign of before start writing about the acid blooded freak that is the youngest of my sisters, I’ll save that for after I’ve heard her response to the announcement of my forth coming nuptials. No doubt my old man will mention it to her at some point. So, ensign, load the mudslingers and prepare to fire!

Ta ta anonymous browser, I bid you adieu!

An apology

I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the parties concerned in the post that appeared in my blog earlier today.

Are you familiar with the writings of Shan Yu?

He said, "Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day, you will finally meet the man."

It is said that in order to truly know a thing, you must become that thing.

I’ve just read an article that can be viewed as a slur on the American President, whilst I’m no great fan of the good ole U S of A, I have been, thus far, impressed with Mr Obama. I know that being a significant media figure, such as he, brings both positive and negative attention. I do not agree with slighting a man who has the best interest of his country at heart. If there’s one saving grace for our colonial cousins, it’s their sense of patriotism. I, for one, understand the concept of national loyalty. It’s something I was raised on. So many people forget what it means to be English. We are an island nation, an unwritten constitutional monarchy. It really annoys me when I’m stopped in the street so that some market research numpty can ask me how I view my citizenship. My response is always the same, “I’m not a citizen, I’m a subject of her Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second. So now comes the rant, for which I apologise for any offence caused! Why is it that we celebrate Saint Patricks Day, Saint David’s Day and, to some extent, Saint Andrews day. But, when it comes to April 23, the powers that be hush it up and make every effort to get through the day with minimal fuss. Now I appreciate that Saint George was from Nicodemia, not a very English place, but he’s our patron saint all the same, there are also rumours amongst scholars that he may have fought alongside the French at some point. The accuracy of this is, of course, dubious at best. Now answer me this, dear reader, if you will. Why is it that a man from the northern side of Hadrian’s Wall is openly referred to as a Scotsman, if he comes from the eastern side of the Brecon Beacons, the he’s a Welshman, there’s lovely, as for the fella who resides in the republic of Ireland, he’s an Irishman. So why are those who live in England constantly termed “British”? I’m all for the commonwealth, not so keen on the whole Europe thing. But why can’t I be English? Duncan Spaeth once said “I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.” Now he didn’t men that in a good way, but I like it. I remember the times when you drove along the M4 and saw signs that read “Windsor, heritage and Empire” the signs now read “Windsor, Legoland”. What went wrong? Where did the days go when people rose to the national anthem, how many people actually watch the Queens speech on Christmas day? I feel fairly confident when I say that more households will be more concerned with the last days of a certain Time Lord, than our own Monarch. Personally, I shall watch the Queen and record the Doctor. Our national identity is being stripped away from us piece by piece. Apparently, there’s a plan afoot to force children to take the pledge of allegiance to the queen in schools. You start forcing people to swear allegiance; you take the freedom of choice away from them. Then we are no better than those we have fought against to maintain our freedom. It’s not that I disagree with her majesty’s government, actually I have no particular political view, but they seem to be working against the people who put them there, and there I was thinking they should be working for us. A short time ago I was asked if I could live in a different country, there was a time when my answer would have been an outright “NO!” but the more I think about it, the more I feel that I’m prepared to reconsider. Given the right choices, I possibly would consider repatriation. I would, of course, keep an eye on events back home. I think the hardest thing to leave behind would be the sea. I couldn’t see myself living somewhere that was more than a ten minute bus ride from the sea.

Anyways, I’ve ranted incessantly for too long and I believe my bed is calling me, so I shall retire for the night and bid thee well. Goodnight fair reader, my you find yourself well on the morrow!

“Only a fool fights in a burning house”

I’m not a person who holds grudges, and I’m a fairly easy going kinda chap. I have been told, however, that I have a tendency to get off on the wrong footing. So in view of this, I’m prepared to wave a white flag and press the reset button. I do not want what started out as a bit of mudslinging to get out of hand. I also wasn’t happy with my own opinions. But it is said that opinions are like bottoms, everybody has one. I do not wish to make enemies and therefore I have retracted text from earlier, since this is an open blog, and all and sundry can read it I apologise for the content and context of my earlier blog. That being said, I hope that a line can be drawn under recent history and a fresh start made. So I shall take a deep breath, offer a virtual hand and hope that it is accepted for the gesture it is intended.

Let there be peace between our houses, and kinder words in the future. I wish those who have started out on a path, that I too shall soon be travelling, the best of luck and may the gods watch over their journey.

Stoopid jobsworths, a passport doesn’t have an address!

Today hasn’t been too bad. Well aside from my bank card being eaten by the evil ATM at Lloyds, Grrr! Then my bank getting shirty with me about needing to draw dosh out, but not having the right ID. So after a mad rush home to collect my passport, yes they let me out of the country from time to time, I managed to get to the bank, get the dosh and pay what I needed to, I returned to work more than a little stressed. Earlier today I received a package at work. What is this package? I hear you scream, well faithful reader, I shall tell you. The package contained my new phone. Woo hoo! I now have a shiny new Samsung i8910HD; yes let’s not forget the all important HD! Oooooooh! My last phone was a Sony Ericsson k850i, it wasn’t a bad phone, but I got bored with it very quickly. I’m fairly sure that after a few months I’ll bore of this swanky phone, even with the built in compass, Wi-Fi, sat nav, 8mp camera, and hi-def video recording. Still, boys and their toys!

Tea and I have set a date for the wedding, we’re going for July 31^st, Tea wants to have a mid afternoon service, somewhere around 3ish. It’ll probably be a registry office doings, with a fairly good shin dig in the evening. Tea’s already made up her half of the guest list, so I have to sort out my side of things. As it stands I shall only be inviting one member of my family, my sister Sandra, the rest can get stuffed. None of them have spoken to me for almost 20 years, not that I’m complaining. Although I’m fairly certain that when they hear of the wedding they’ll be trying to get in touch, anything for the chance of free booze up. Right, I’ve gone on far too long.

Fair thee well noble stranger, may the gods guide you on your path.

i have come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I’m all out of bubble gum

Sunday has been an easy day; I woke up this morning (da da da da dum) thankfully not in pain. My back’s taken about two weeks to sort itself out, it’s still not quite right but it’s better than it has been. Ben stayed at home last night, we spoke about our future, Tea, him and me, Ben said that he wants Tea and I to quit smoking, primarily, I think, because he’s worried about his moms health. To be honest, so am I. Quitting will also be good for me, so we’re going to work on that.

Mick and Dot, my future in laws, came up to collect Ben at about 1. Whilst they were here I asked for their permission to take Tea as my wife, yes I know is all going a bit quick but as I’ve said in earlier posts, it feels so right. Mick and Dot said that we have their blessing and they are both pleased to welcome me into the family, I told them that I am proud and honoured to be part of their family. They are both such warm and friendly people, they have made me feel welcome since day one. Last night, Saturday, I phoned Jay and asked him to be my best man, he said he would, but he seemed a little apprehensive. I then spoke with Liv, she said that she is unhappy with the minimal amount of contact I have with Jay. I explained to her than I speak to him regularly on messenger, and I phone him, I told her that he also knows that he has an open invitation to come up and I will never turn him away unless I have a valid reason, such as being hospitalised, dead or not at home.

I popped into town earlier today and whilst I was waiting for a bus home, Jay appeared. We chatted about my request of him and he asked if he would have to say something, I said he would and that he had to write it himself, not steal it off the net. I also phoned Sandra, the only sister I speak to inform her of the news, she was pleased and a little surprised, bless her.

So the news is out in the public domain, Tea and I are getting married, we’re looking at a late July early august wedding, I think we’ll have a quiet service, probably registry office. But a serious shin dig for the reception, and maybe, just maybe, a posh sit down nosh affair for close friends and family. Who knows maybe we’ll be able to fix up the boy and #6 with a bird for the event.

TEE HEE.

Well until next time faithful somebody

Excelsior!

tomatoes are a fruit you know!

So it’s been two days since last entry, and such fun has been had. Last the lads came round for the evening; the conversation was occasionally interrupted by the odd stint of gaming. By the end of the night Joe had me in stitches. We really should start writing some of the stuff we come up with down. Aside from Joe going to Goa with a goer, the conversation was rude and hilarious, none of which can be written down here. If Friday nights were to be televised, it would have to be broadcast on five. I look forward to Friday nights again; I really think that I’m on the last leg of recovery, if recovery is the right word.

I had my last counselling session yesterday afternoon; the counsellor was very pleased with the end result of my question session. When I did it first the result indicated that I was borderline. Now things have done a complete flip. I’m extremely happy, and things seem to be getting better all the time.

Saturday was Warhammer day, and that’s been great, I really enjoy Saturdays and I think the guys enjoy it too. After the shop it was a mad rush to get home, sort out Obi, get stuff together to take up to Teas. Then get ready to head off to Mick and Dots 50^th wedding anniversary. Tea looked fantastic and despite scary aunts, I think she enjoyed herself. Apparently we’re off to Mum & Dads tomorrow, probably for dinner. I think there’s going to be family there, scary stuff. I also plan to ask Mick and dot for Teas hand. It has to be done properly you know. Any way as I’m writing this Steve Martin’s the Jerk is on the telly and I’m knackered, so I’m going to bed. Night all.