Just when they think they know all the answers, I change the questions.

  As another week closes on us and we prepare for the weekend, I was shocked to learn that due to the “baggage” I carry, I’m considered to be a “lame duck”! According to definition a “lame duck” is someone who is weak or falls behind in ability or achievement. Weak? Hmmmmm, there are things about myself that will NEVER be mentioned in this blog, not because I’m ashamed of them, quite the opposite in fact! Also because I have no intention of talking publicly about it. My closest friends and my OH know about most of it, the OH knows a little more than most. My future in-laws are also aware of my “issues”. As said in earlier entries, the one thing that really ticks me off is people who judge a person, without even knowing them. I don’t just mean me, given my chosen career, I see a lot of incidents where people assume that a person has no ability to react or respond for themselves. I like to refer to it as the “does he take sugar?” syndrome. Yet again someone has made a snap decision based on insufficient knowledge. In actual fact, none at all. I can be loud, lary, annoying and somewhat thoughtless. But who has the right to base their view of someone after what amounts to less than ten minutes in their company. When considering what I do to earn my crust, one of the most important skills is reading people, I can recognise signs that a person is about to lose their temper, I can work out how bad it’s going to be. I can make a fair assessment of a person disposition towards others. But with all the training I have, I still need a couple of hours minimum before I have even a basic idea of someone’s character. However, a short while ago I met someone who is not only unattractive on the outside, but inside as well. The word “dragon” doesn’t even begin to sum up how vile this woman is. I’m not easily bothered by people, some make me uneasy, once in a while they scare the be-jesus out of me. Well this old crone was the latter. She seems to have the opinion, “I’m not happy, why should any other so & so be?” a sad old battle axe, who likes nothing more than bringing others down. Sadly there’s a possibility that our paths will cross again, if that happens and she tries to bring any of my loved ones down, or push them around, she’ll be told that she will not be welcome in our lives. I’ve slain dragons before, they’re no big threat. All you need to know is what colour dragon has what type of breath weapon. For instance a red dragon has fire as a breath weapon, so when facing such a beastie you simply need to carry lots of things that protect you from fire. So, as they say, forewarned is forearmed, and I am prepared for this particular dragon. I’ve sharpened my greatsword +5 v dragons, I’ve polished my red dragon skin armour and I have a ring of fire protection and the OH has a big hose. So when this old wyrm awakens, she’s getting it in the craw, from me and her neice.

Friday night was the usual RPG night, well that’s not entirely accurate, Tea gave me a bottle of Jack Daniels to pass on to Lord Oli, and on the way home I stopped in the shop and picked up some coke and some lemonade as I didn’t know what Lord Oli mixed with it, turned out to be coke. Anyhoo there was only about ten minutes of D&D played before Lord Oli opened the bottle. By the end of the evening I’d had four, yes four, glasses of JD and coke, using Lord Oli measures, but before I went to bed I had to have a bottle of Doom Bar, my favourite ale. The other cool thing about Friday night was the fact that our usual pizza suppliers are, once again, doing buy one get one free on large pizzas. HOO RAH! So two large pepperoni and mushroom pizzas, with extra cheese, were winging their way to us. Oh sweet lord!

Saturday has been shop day, slightly hectic and I think the lads had been on too much sugar again, oh joy. But on the whole the day was good and the lads were, as usual, fairly well behaved. I saw an old friend and told her the news of my forth coming nuptials; she was very pleased and suggested that I should let my ex know. I’m not too sure how that will go down so I’m giving it some thought; I’ll keep you posted on that.

At the end of day, I had a couple of errands to run, most of which involved ambling around Waitrose, cat food, milk, sugar and a couple of other bits. As I was leaving the cigarette counter area was fairly crowded and I had to squeeze through, as I did I knocked some fella with my backpack, so lightly may I add that I didn’t even notice, anyways I heard this fella say “yeah Thanks” as I passed him so I figured I must have knocked him, so being the polite well mannered young chap I am, I apologised. Blokeys response was “yeah, well, apology accepted!” the tone in his voice was one of contempt, as if he was doing me a favour, so as I walked away from him, he was a bit on the stunty side btw, I replied “oh thank you so much, I feel so honoured” “you f**king well should be!” he retorted, he must have learned that snappy come back at school. Definitely suffering from short man syndrome. Being a bit miffed with his attitude, and obviously the better man I simply suggested that he “shut up”, childish I know but I didn’t want to lower myself to his level. Like the old saying goes, never argue with an idiot, they’ll bring you down to their level then beat you with experience! I bashed the fella, I said sorry, he started giving me attitude, I guess I bruised his itty bitty ego, cock!

So it’s now Saturday night and I’m settling down with my fiancée and watch bones, lie to me and life on mars USA. Lie to me could cause a problem as the OH isn’t too keen on Tim Roth. Oh well says I, she’s made me sit through the X sodding factor so she has to sit through some of my trite. It could be worse, I could make her sit through three hours of thundercats and gen 1 transformers. Oh just remembered, when you use a digital camera to take a photo down the top of your OH’s dress, DO NOT then pass said camera to your future step son. it does raise some interesting questions, and the little toe rag deleted it. Which is rather annoying as it was a very good picture.

That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die

Why is it that when you have a good day, it is invariably followed, almost immediately, by a not so good one? Sadly this rule does not apply in reverse, yesterday was a bit awful, what with the whole banking incident, and the fiasco that was the journey home. I thought I got on the right bus, but it turned out I was on the other one, ooooer missus! No, naughty people, not that other bus, that would be wrong! No the other bus I got on was indeed the 127, right number but wrong destination. So wrong in fact, that the gorram bus set off in the opposite direction. Now normally with local busses, for local people, when the same number goes to two different places, they go from different stops. But not the 127, oh no, it goes from the same stop for both routes. God I’m such a moaning git, whining about busses, all I needs now is an anorak, a note book and an adenoidal tone to my voice.

Any ways, on with today! It’s been shite! Well not all of it, mainly the ridiculous phone call from a company who don’t look at their own records. They damn near gave me a mahoosive coronary, I thought that all dealings with them had ceased on 2^nd October, so when I got a call staying that they hadn’t quite finished with me, that sounds so rude, I was rather shocked. So I started the call on the defensive, actually I was fuming, so the poor lass on the other end of the line copped both barrels. After some of my, now infamous, ranting to sort out the mess these idiots had created. To be honest all it really needed was for one department to contact the other, ask if they got what they were due and be done with it. Instead, however, they phone me AT WORK! Grrrrrrrr! And threaten to set the hounds upon me. So I had to do their leg work and find out when things were settled. What did I get for putting an end to this situation? Nothing, that’s right, sod all! They cause me undue stress, I’m worrying myself stupid, and with the history I have with blood pressure, worrying is not a good thing for me. A simple “oops sorry!” would have been nice. Then there’s the whole poxy laptop issues, the sodding thing’s taken me a week to put right. Knowing the owner as I do, it won’t be long before it gets bought back with more problems. I anticipate some odd problem like the screen goes black when I switch it on, or it takes ages, i.e. 37 seconds, to switch on. What does the owner expect, an instant data transfer straight into the brain stem, firstly you need a brain stem, and secondly I now truly believe that some people really are too stupid to own a computer.

On the lighter side, my boy has agreed to be my best man. A date has been set, I’m being told to sort out my side of the guest list, there’s talk of booking the registry office at the end of the month. Is it too late to changed up my mind? (Snigger, snigger, tee hee!) She’s gonna hit me when she reads that bit. My side of the list is going to be gimongous; it’s a good thing that only one my sister, her husband, her two sons and respective partners may come. Otherwise it would be a complete nightmare and I’d probably end up rowing with my youngest sister, wouldn’t that be jolly, still it’s not a proper without some form of blue!

Todays entry has been a bit meandering, so I’m gonna sign of before start writing about the acid blooded freak that is the youngest of my sisters, I’ll save that for after I’ve heard her response to the announcement of my forth coming nuptials. No doubt my old man will mention it to her at some point. So, ensign, load the mudslingers and prepare to fire!

Ta ta anonymous browser, I bid you adieu!

An apology

I would like to take this opportunity to apologise to the parties concerned in the post that appeared in my blog earlier today.

Are you familiar with the writings of Shan Yu?

He said, "Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge, and on that day, you will finally meet the man."

It is said that in order to truly know a thing, you must become that thing.

I’ve just read an article that can be viewed as a slur on the American President, whilst I’m no great fan of the good ole U S of A, I have been, thus far, impressed with Mr Obama. I know that being a significant media figure, such as he, brings both positive and negative attention. I do not agree with slighting a man who has the best interest of his country at heart. If there’s one saving grace for our colonial cousins, it’s their sense of patriotism. I, for one, understand the concept of national loyalty. It’s something I was raised on. So many people forget what it means to be English. We are an island nation, an unwritten constitutional monarchy. It really annoys me when I’m stopped in the street so that some market research numpty can ask me how I view my citizenship. My response is always the same, “I’m not a citizen, I’m a subject of her Britannic Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second. So now comes the rant, for which I apologise for any offence caused! Why is it that we celebrate Saint Patricks Day, Saint David’s Day and, to some extent, Saint Andrews day. But, when it comes to April 23, the powers that be hush it up and make every effort to get through the day with minimal fuss. Now I appreciate that Saint George was from Nicodemia, not a very English place, but he’s our patron saint all the same, there are also rumours amongst scholars that he may have fought alongside the French at some point. The accuracy of this is, of course, dubious at best. Now answer me this, dear reader, if you will. Why is it that a man from the northern side of Hadrian’s Wall is openly referred to as a Scotsman, if he comes from the eastern side of the Brecon Beacons, the he’s a Welshman, there’s lovely, as for the fella who resides in the republic of Ireland, he’s an Irishman. So why are those who live in England constantly termed “British”? I’m all for the commonwealth, not so keen on the whole Europe thing. But why can’t I be English? Duncan Spaeth once said “I know why the sun never sets on the British Empire: God wouldn't trust an Englishman in the dark.” Now he didn’t men that in a good way, but I like it. I remember the times when you drove along the M4 and saw signs that read “Windsor, heritage and Empire” the signs now read “Windsor, Legoland”. What went wrong? Where did the days go when people rose to the national anthem, how many people actually watch the Queens speech on Christmas day? I feel fairly confident when I say that more households will be more concerned with the last days of a certain Time Lord, than our own Monarch. Personally, I shall watch the Queen and record the Doctor. Our national identity is being stripped away from us piece by piece. Apparently, there’s a plan afoot to force children to take the pledge of allegiance to the queen in schools. You start forcing people to swear allegiance; you take the freedom of choice away from them. Then we are no better than those we have fought against to maintain our freedom. It’s not that I disagree with her majesty’s government, actually I have no particular political view, but they seem to be working against the people who put them there, and there I was thinking they should be working for us. A short time ago I was asked if I could live in a different country, there was a time when my answer would have been an outright “NO!” but the more I think about it, the more I feel that I’m prepared to reconsider. Given the right choices, I possibly would consider repatriation. I would, of course, keep an eye on events back home. I think the hardest thing to leave behind would be the sea. I couldn’t see myself living somewhere that was more than a ten minute bus ride from the sea.

Anyways, I’ve ranted incessantly for too long and I believe my bed is calling me, so I shall retire for the night and bid thee well. Goodnight fair reader, my you find yourself well on the morrow!

“Only a fool fights in a burning house”

I’m not a person who holds grudges, and I’m a fairly easy going kinda chap. I have been told, however, that I have a tendency to get off on the wrong footing. So in view of this, I’m prepared to wave a white flag and press the reset button. I do not want what started out as a bit of mudslinging to get out of hand. I also wasn’t happy with my own opinions. But it is said that opinions are like bottoms, everybody has one. I do not wish to make enemies and therefore I have retracted text from earlier, since this is an open blog, and all and sundry can read it I apologise for the content and context of my earlier blog. That being said, I hope that a line can be drawn under recent history and a fresh start made. So I shall take a deep breath, offer a virtual hand and hope that it is accepted for the gesture it is intended.

Let there be peace between our houses, and kinder words in the future. I wish those who have started out on a path, that I too shall soon be travelling, the best of luck and may the gods watch over their journey.

Stoopid jobsworths, a passport doesn’t have an address!

Today hasn’t been too bad. Well aside from my bank card being eaten by the evil ATM at Lloyds, Grrr! Then my bank getting shirty with me about needing to draw dosh out, but not having the right ID. So after a mad rush home to collect my passport, yes they let me out of the country from time to time, I managed to get to the bank, get the dosh and pay what I needed to, I returned to work more than a little stressed. Earlier today I received a package at work. What is this package? I hear you scream, well faithful reader, I shall tell you. The package contained my new phone. Woo hoo! I now have a shiny new Samsung i8910HD; yes let’s not forget the all important HD! Oooooooh! My last phone was a Sony Ericsson k850i, it wasn’t a bad phone, but I got bored with it very quickly. I’m fairly sure that after a few months I’ll bore of this swanky phone, even with the built in compass, Wi-Fi, sat nav, 8mp camera, and hi-def video recording. Still, boys and their toys!

Tea and I have set a date for the wedding, we’re going for July 31^st, Tea wants to have a mid afternoon service, somewhere around 3ish. It’ll probably be a registry office doings, with a fairly good shin dig in the evening. Tea’s already made up her half of the guest list, so I have to sort out my side of things. As it stands I shall only be inviting one member of my family, my sister Sandra, the rest can get stuffed. None of them have spoken to me for almost 20 years, not that I’m complaining. Although I’m fairly certain that when they hear of the wedding they’ll be trying to get in touch, anything for the chance of free booze up. Right, I’ve gone on far too long.

Fair thee well noble stranger, may the gods guide you on your path.

i have come here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I’m all out of bubble gum

Sunday has been an easy day; I woke up this morning (da da da da dum) thankfully not in pain. My back’s taken about two weeks to sort itself out, it’s still not quite right but it’s better than it has been. Ben stayed at home last night, we spoke about our future, Tea, him and me, Ben said that he wants Tea and I to quit smoking, primarily, I think, because he’s worried about his moms health. To be honest, so am I. Quitting will also be good for me, so we’re going to work on that.

Mick and Dot, my future in laws, came up to collect Ben at about 1. Whilst they were here I asked for their permission to take Tea as my wife, yes I know is all going a bit quick but as I’ve said in earlier posts, it feels so right. Mick and Dot said that we have their blessing and they are both pleased to welcome me into the family, I told them that I am proud and honoured to be part of their family. They are both such warm and friendly people, they have made me feel welcome since day one. Last night, Saturday, I phoned Jay and asked him to be my best man, he said he would, but he seemed a little apprehensive. I then spoke with Liv, she said that she is unhappy with the minimal amount of contact I have with Jay. I explained to her than I speak to him regularly on messenger, and I phone him, I told her that he also knows that he has an open invitation to come up and I will never turn him away unless I have a valid reason, such as being hospitalised, dead or not at home.

I popped into town earlier today and whilst I was waiting for a bus home, Jay appeared. We chatted about my request of him and he asked if he would have to say something, I said he would and that he had to write it himself, not steal it off the net. I also phoned Sandra, the only sister I speak to inform her of the news, she was pleased and a little surprised, bless her.

So the news is out in the public domain, Tea and I are getting married, we’re looking at a late July early august wedding, I think we’ll have a quiet service, probably registry office. But a serious shin dig for the reception, and maybe, just maybe, a posh sit down nosh affair for close friends and family. Who knows maybe we’ll be able to fix up the boy and #6 with a bird for the event.

TEE HEE.

Well until next time faithful somebody

Excelsior!

tomatoes are a fruit you know!

So it’s been two days since last entry, and such fun has been had. Last the lads came round for the evening; the conversation was occasionally interrupted by the odd stint of gaming. By the end of the night Joe had me in stitches. We really should start writing some of the stuff we come up with down. Aside from Joe going to Goa with a goer, the conversation was rude and hilarious, none of which can be written down here. If Friday nights were to be televised, it would have to be broadcast on five. I look forward to Friday nights again; I really think that I’m on the last leg of recovery, if recovery is the right word.

I had my last counselling session yesterday afternoon; the counsellor was very pleased with the end result of my question session. When I did it first the result indicated that I was borderline. Now things have done a complete flip. I’m extremely happy, and things seem to be getting better all the time.

Saturday was Warhammer day, and that’s been great, I really enjoy Saturdays and I think the guys enjoy it too. After the shop it was a mad rush to get home, sort out Obi, get stuff together to take up to Teas. Then get ready to head off to Mick and Dots 50^th wedding anniversary. Tea looked fantastic and despite scary aunts, I think she enjoyed herself. Apparently we’re off to Mum & Dads tomorrow, probably for dinner. I think there’s going to be family there, scary stuff. I also plan to ask Mick and dot for Teas hand. It has to be done properly you know. Any way as I’m writing this Steve Martin’s the Jerk is on the telly and I’m knackered, so I’m going to bed. Night all.

Why is a mouse when it stops spinning?

An eventful day or two, work has been good, and that’s a real pick up for me. I had a chat with the doctor about some stuff, and he put my mind at ease. He also said that he will consider lowering the antidepressants on the 14^th, so with luck I should be off them by February, I’m going to follow his advice and come off them slowly, I really don’t want to slip back when things have started going so well for me at the moment.

Some very big decisions are going to be made soon, mainly regarding my future with Tea. I know that it all seems a bit rushed, but it really does seem right. I still haven’t figured out what it is about her, but she really does belong in my life.

Smiffy came up last night, he continued painting the black reach Orks, and he’s doing a fantastic job. Another couple of sessions and they’ll be ready to hand over to Sue to beef up the house Ork army. I, on the other hand, am having all sorts of trouble with the black reach terminators. I’m painting the sergeant at the moment; it’s not going very well. The face is proving to be the most difficult. I see now why the folks at GW apply half a million coats of the same colour, it’s too cover pigment bleed through. The termie sarge has had at least five layers of flesh coloured paint applied and finally the red has stopped showing through. It’s my own fault really. I tried doing them all in one hit using the spray gun; it’s not really suitable for detailed models like troops and terminators. The spray gun’s a useful tool for large models like tanks and monoliths, although I did paint my monolith completely by hand. God I’m such a clever sod.

Once I’ve finished the termies, I’m going to do all of the space hulk models. Mickey’s already moaning at me because he’s desperate to play the game, I must admit I’m quite keen on playing it myself.

Counsellors tomorrow, the doc’s said that depending on the feedback from Linda, my counsellor, will determine whether he drops the dose or not. I think that the depression has eased off and there are several factors that have contributed to that.

D&D tomorrow night, I wonder how that’s going to go, will we actually get to do some gaming or will we sit down and listen to crap again? Well that’s it for now; I don’t expect to find the time to make an entry until Sunday. So with the party on Saturday and the shop, there should be something interesting to scribe.

Fair thee well dear reader, may you get everything you hope for and may your sausages turn themselves.

Oh yeah, word of the week, FLANGE

even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers at night….

Today has been an ok day; it started off a little odd but soon straightened out. The guys were pleased to see me back at work. It’s nice that I have such an influence on their lives and to be part of their lives. I know that there are times when I arrive at work and think “I don’t want to be here!” but I think that can be said about any job. In all fairness I have 2 fantastic bosses who trust me to keep the team happy and look after the daily running of the centre, and I do take a strong sense of pride in that. I had a couple of missions to complete after work. First I had to get some smokes for me and Tea, then I had to go to boots to collect some photo corners for a project that Tea’s working on as part of the preparations for her mum & dads 50^th wedding anniversary celebrations. The event takes place on Saturday, and I must admit I’m a little nervous at the prospect of meeting her family.

Whilst I’m on the subject of the new lady in my life, I have no idea what it is about her but I feel that I’ve her a lot longer than a few months. The interaction between us is almost second nature, and I feel so comfortable when I’m with her. I feel lost when I’m not with her and I can’t wait to be back home with her. Of course I have to go home and spend some time with the mog after work. I think the poor chaps feeling a bit neglected, I plan to spend Wednesday night at home with him, Smiffy’s coming up to do some painting, namely finishing off (hopefully) the black reach Orks so that I can take them down to the shop and be rid of them. I can then make a start on the space hulk models. Once they’re done I can make a start on the Tau.

Back on the subject of Tea, what has she done to me? I really can see myself spending the rest of my days with her. I know, scary, isn’t it! For the first time in a very long time I truly believe that I have found someone I can trust with my heart, and I don’t think it’ll be long before I give it to her totally. This really does seem to be love, something I haven’t felt for some time. The problem is that she knows my plan, so when I suggest a trip to Dover Castle, she’s going to know why, so the mystery’s gone from that. I think the best time for that will be either spring or early autumn. I do know that I want the moment to be unforgettable. I think it’ll be wise to ask her first then take her shopping, what with me being a bloke; I’ll probably get the wrong thing, so it’s best if she has some input in the choosing. I can’t believe that I’m considering such a huge life changing decision, but as the old saying goes, “one instinctively knows when something is right!”

I don’t know if she has any real clue on how I feel about her, when we went to Canterbury for the first time, she was holding on to me and I felt so proud that she was right there beside me, and it seemed so natural. So I guess us getting together was natural progression. I don’t know how long we’ll be together, but I really do hope that it’s permanent. I know she’ll read this and probably shout at me for being silly, but given my track record with relationships, I think my concerns are somewhat justified. I hope that she understands that it’s not her! I really do love and trust her completely

So tomorrow I shall be painting Orkses and drinking gallons of tea and enjoying time spend with a good mate.

So hopefully I’ll get a chance to update when Smiffy’s gone, if not I’ll do it Thursday.

So until then,

Good bike!

Let he who is without sin

Helloooooooooooooo, so here I am, another day older and possibly wiser, (snerk) it’s been an eventful day, off to see an old friend who is otherwise indisposed at the moment. He seemed very chipper considering. Fortunately he won’t be in his situation much longer, woo hoo! Then back to Folkestone for a bus down to the in laws for tea and chat whilst the misses was off to Canterbury. I also had a chat with young Ben about Saturday. I had to explain to him that one of the lads was very unhappy with the game they had. Ben took it really well, and before I had to say anything, Ben said he will apologise to the lad in question on Saturday. I’m very proud of that little chap, particularly the way he handled the situation. I just hope now that once he’s apologised that will be the end of the matter. Tea told bens father that we’re together, from the little amount of info I have, he was quite off with her about it, not that I care what he thinks, but I wonder how he would react when he learns that tea and I are working really well together.

Back to work tomorrow, and with luck, pay day. I haven’t been this skint for some time. On a brighter note I now have more info about the debt problems I’ve been having. The M&S loan finishes at the end of November and the capital one account finishes on the second of October. It’s such a relief to know that I’m finally getting straight with my finances. By December I should be about £100 pounds better off. So it looks like I’ll be able to upgrade the orange account to a better service, i.e. more text and a bit more browsing allowance. This will be good as I learned today that orange are going to be offering the I-phone in the near future. So I may be able to get one of them. My only real grumble is that the I-phone only has a 2 megapixel camera. Fortunately my digital camera is 10 mega pixels, so I’ll just have to ensure that I have with me a bit more. Of course the main problem there is that the digicam doesn’t kick in as quick. At the last astronomy club meet Jason mention the ghost hunt that I’m going with him and some of his friends, originally it was to be held at a 16^th century inn at Chelmsford. This has now changed to a dis-used airfield, still in Essex, I think. I’m really looking forward to it. Not only is it my first ghost hunt, but it’s also on October 31^st. Anyway that’s about it for now. More tomorrow, assuming tomorrow’s eventful enough.

Ttfn

auto destruct sequence initiated

Was at the shop today, work has seriously begun on next year’s tournament, I really hope we get enough interest to make it annual. I really need to find a way of getting involve with the guys more, it’s supposed to be my group. At the moment I tend to sit chatting with Sue whilst Mikey and Sean do all the work, although I must say that both of them are up to the task of organizing games and getting everyone settled. I am also impressed with how young Josh has progressed, when he first started coming along he could be rude and more than a bit mouthy. But now he’s polite, helpful and he seems to really enjoy being part of the group.

Warhammer 40k has so much to offer the guys, aside from the social thing it gives them a chance to share a common interest in their hobby, and it’s great see how the lads have got involved in the activities. I am really proud of all of them. The other thing that I have to appreciate about Saturdays is my current romantic situation. Meeting Trudes has been really good for me and I can certainly see a positive future with her. It’s almost as though she has pulled me off the self destructive path I was on. It’s also nice that Sue has enough trust in me to let me have stuff on tick and leave the shop in my hands, which is nice cos instead of paying me cash, she either knocks it off what I owe her, or it goes aside for anything I need for my armies.

Well tomorrow is Sunday and at present I have no idea what we’re up to, I know that I need to go home and spend a couple of hours with Obi, I’m sure that poor chap thinks I’ve abandoned him. I also need to get the house sorted as it’s a mess at the moment, and I need to speak to Matt about doing the kitchen up. It sounds like it’s gonna be all hands on for that. Trudes has said that she’s happy to lend a hand and I can ensure that tea & coffee are flowing freely.

Back on the Warhammer 40k front I also need to make a start on the Tau force, there are some fantastic models in the range and I’m really looking forward to fielding them, especially the rail guns with solid shot. Two words: KA BOOM.

So until tomorrow

Ta ta

Better to die on our feet than live on our knees!

So this is my fourth entry, woo hoo! Had the day off work today and I have Monday off too. I have to be in Ashford for 11:30 on Monday morning to meet up with two friends to go and see another one. So what did I do with my day today? Well I had a lay in, which was nice, it would have been nicer if my bird had been able to lie in with me but the mischievous little scamp that is Doogie needed some attention. Namely outdoor dog type stuff, then I had to go home and feed boss kitteh. Then I jumped on a bus to pop in on Sue at the shop for a while before going to astronomy club for the evening. Astronomy club was good; I took my binoculars along this evening and managed to see the Andromeda galaxy very clearly, as well as Jupiter and the moon. I am very impressed with my larger binoculars, the field of view is wide, although the zoom function does narrow it when taken up to maximum, and the image quality is superb. The only real problem with them is that they are heavy and as a result they can be quite shaky. Tonight’s talk was good, it was about astro imaging, it’s given me some ideas but I need to do some homework first. It was also lovely to see Sue, Glen and Andy at the club; it’s been about 5 years since I last saw Sue and she hasn’t changed a bit. Dave bought me home, as he always does, bless him. However, tonight was different as I asked him to stop at home briefly so that I could feed Obi and gather up the stuff for Warhammer on Saturday, then he bought me up to Trudes. So that I can spend the night with my honey in my arms. So tomorrow it’s 40K then possibly along to the in-laws for tea, before heading back home and feeding the Jedi master mog on the way. So all in all a good day, with no rant, how cool is that?

So there ya go, a bit of a short entry, but it’s better than nothing.

Ta ta

Until next time

Keep smiling, it makes people nervous!

Ranty rant rant!

 

I read the news today, oh boy! There’s a song in there somewhere! Two items caught my attention and annoyed me. The first is the taxing of broadband, apparently there are plans to make the tax law before the next election, they’re gonna put a tax of 50p a month for every fixed line telephone. Whilst I realise that 50pisn’t a great deal, it’ll just about get you a mars bar these days, when you consider that we pay BT or other land line provider every month/quarter and the fee includes VAT then pay the broadband provider every month, also including VAT they now want to tax us again. So what’s next? Tax us for using shopping trolleys? Or perhaps an entry fee to the supermarket? For those people who get there phone line and broadband from the same provider it means they’re going to be taxed for virtually the same product 3 times. Does that seem right to you? So go in to Sainsbury’s and pay to use the trolley, pay for your shopping but you also have to pay to take it out of the shop. Minister for Digital Britain says that everyone with a fixed line will have to pay the tax. From what I understand, a tax is a compulsory payment that failing to pay can result in a prison sentence, for 50p? So if the entire country say “bugger off I ain’t paying”, are we all going to end up serving time? I know that it totals £6 a year but to me it’s the principle of the thing.

The second piece of news that annoyed me is the possibility of paying for BBC I-player; do the words “license fee” not apply here? The BBC is funded by the license payer; therefore we’re already paying for I-player. Apparently it’s been recommended that a charge of up to £2 per show be applied, so once again we’re possibly going to be asked to pay for something twice. Perhaps we should charge the BBC for taking the money from us.

On a lighter note, I'm off to astronomy club tomorrow night and there’s a possibility that an old friend called Sue may be there. I haven’t seen sue for about 5 years so it’s going to be nice to see her and catch up on how she’s taken to life in the US. The possibility of seeing sue again has started me thinking of old friends that i have lost contact with. There are a few that i would love to meet up with again, in particular the old Tunnel Rats. The thought of us scrambling around in the building and tunnels around Dover always brings a smile to my face, ok so some of the holes we used to crawl through may have shrunk and i may not be as bendy as i was, but I'm sure that I'd find a way in. I think i may have to take Trudes and Ben to my old play ground, maybe not to crawl through the holes but it’s a nice place to go for a picnic and a gentle wander, i also think DWTP would enjoy a chance to run around like a thing possessed.

Work was good again today, it’s nice to be able to smile and have a laugh again with the guys.

So tomorrows plan is to spend the day with Trudes and doogs then drop in to see Sue for a while then jump on the bus up to Ashford for astronomy club. Saturday is shop day, i really need to start the guys on mission based games such as objectives and capture and hold, still all in good time.

So i shall close today's rant and wish you well, if i get chance I'll put a post up tomorrow when i get home. hopefully it wont be a rant! :-D

TTFN

Who in the blue hell are you?

After all these years it still surprises me that the human race hasn’t learned to see beyond the packaging. I make it no secret that I’m on the portly side, sometime it gets me down but most times it doesn’t bother me. Oddly enough it does seem to bother other people. For example I was sat in a well known burger outlet a while back happily noshing away on a burger and fries when some chavs decided that they’d have a pop at the fat bloke stuffing his face, what they didn’t seem to realise is that they were eating exactly the same thing. So why is it ok for a couple of stick thin chavs to scoff down the same food as me but I get the abuse? Secondly, when someone drives past a person like me and hurls abuse at me for being different, why do they get the arse when I respond in kind and tell them what complete cocks they’re being? Anyway the main point of today's rant is people who judge other people. Who the hell do some people think they are? Several times recently people have based what they think of me on nothing more than a photograph. How in the ‘verse can you form an opinion of someone based on something that is just a brief moment caught in time. A wise man once said, “live with a man for forty years , share his house, his meals, speak on every subject, then tie him up and hold him over the volcano's edge and on that day you will finally meet the man.” Some other bloke said “judge not, lest ye be judged yourself” So I say this to people who see a large person but refuse to see the person inside, “get humped! Go get your own affairs in order before you down on others, especially people you have never met and probably never will.

Now I've always considered myself to be a fair man, I’m easy going, laid back and relatively chilled. I tend to not get angry, and very rarely do I take an instant dislike to someone. But every now and then I pick up a negative vibe from someone. Usually I’m right and then after telling others that a person makes me uneasy I get told that I'm just being paranoid. Usually they’re right, but every once in a while I get a chance to say “I told you so” I like it when that happens, it’s quite fun to see the expression on folks faces when they realise that sometimes I’m not being paranoid.

On a brighter note work today has been good, if a little hectic. My job’s not really physically draining but it can take a toll on your emotions, who ever said never get attached obviously never did the job. It’s impossible.

I have one day left this week; I’m having a long weekend. I’m looking forward to Friday morning cos it’ll mean that we can have a lay in, well assuming DWTP lets us. Then off to see a friend on Monday. As for the rest of the weekend, who knows? I hope it’ll be worth writing about. I think the only thing I know I’m definitely doing is the usual day at the shop, something I never tire of. Oh yeah, and astronomy club on Friday night. Woo Hoo!

So there ends today’s rant, let’s hope that I have something good to put down tomorrow. Of course it’s not all bad, I’m off to spend quality time with the light of my life later and I couldn’t think of anywhere I'd rather be.

So until later

Ttfn

and so it begins!

A few of my friends have suggested that I start a blog; my counsellor told me that keeping some sort of journal could help me in deal with my depression. So this is killing 2 birds with one stone. Two months ago I went to see my doctor, I needed to speak to him about my blood pressure and I also felt that the time had come when I needed to get a grip on reality and face up to the way I was feeling. I think the catalyst for the negative perspective was splitting with my girlfriend in February; I spent the next 6 months moping around, feeling that I had no purpose in life. I also felt that my life was basically going to work, going home then getting up in morning and starting all over again. So I went to the doctor with this list?

This is how I feel:

· I am unable to gain pleasure from activities that normally would be pleasurable.

· I have no interest in normal activities, hobbies and everyday life.

· I do not see the point in getting out of bed and 'facing the world'.

· I have little or no appetite, no interest in food and losing weight, although I do find myself comfort eating.

· I find myself getting irritable and annoyed with situations that never used to bother me.

· I have no self-confidence.

· I would rather be on my own than spend time with other people, I also do not feel as though I have any real friends.

· I feel useless and inadequate and that my life in general is pointless.

· I do not see an end to the way I am feeling and that nothing will make things better.

· I have considered taking my own life on at least 2 occasions

So, after a hard search for some testicular fortitude, off I trotted to see him with my list. His first action was to check my BP, this came in at 179/130, apparently this is very bad and most folk with BP this high usually end up dead. Well not wanting to do the whole being dead thing I took his advice and got him to write out a prescription for meds to combat the problem. The next stage was talking about being depressed. I spoke to him about the list, he asked me to complete a brief questionnaire about how I felt. The results being quite negative he suggested that as well as anti depressants I should see a counsellor. An appointment was made about 2 weeks later. Another set of question indicated that I was high risk and borderline bi-polar. I’ve now had four sessions and things are definitely on the up. I have one more session at the beginning of October; this is a review of how I’ve been doing over the past few weeks. Apart from the anti-depressants and the counselling, I think a major contributing “recovery” (for want of a better word) from depression has been the fact that I took in a friend’s cat as a permanent resident at home. Obi-Kat-Kenobi is a fantastic cat. He’s very affectionate and social. I really do believe that having him around has helped pick me back up.

Looking at the list, I now feel that it can be amended. So, dear reader here is the updated list. Well, I say updated, I mean revised.

This is how I feel:

· I am unable to gain pleasure from activities that normally would be pleasurable. I’ve started finding my interest renewed, and slowly but surely I am regaining my enthusiasm for the activities I enjoyed doing.

· I have no interest in normal activities, hobbies and everyday life. Again, this has improved, it’s no longer a lack of interest, and it’s now a lack of time.

· I do not see the point in getting out of bed and 'facing the world'. My passion for my job has returned, and life in general, I now greet each day and welcome most challenges that life throws at me.

· I have little or no appetite, no interest in food and losing weight, although I do find myself comfort eating. This is pretty much the same; my real problem is that I really enjoy junk food. I know I should change my diet to improve my general health, which in turn will reduce the risk of heart attack and /or a stroke. I’ve also taken to walking a bit more, which is good because exercise is said to help with depression.

· I find myself getting irritable and annoyed with situations that never used to bother me. This is one of the most important changes, I am almost back to the laid back easy going chap I used to be.

· I have no self-confidence. This one is probably the hardest one to change, although I do feel a bit better about myself in general, but I’ve had a bit of help with that one.

· I would rather be on my own than spend time with other people, I also do not feel as though I have any real friends. I’ve started to enjoy the company of friends again, I also realise that it’s as much my job to maintain my relationships with my friends and that I should make more efforts to see and speak to them.

· I feel useless and inadequate and that my life in general is pointless. I now feel that my life has a purpose again, I have Obi, who relies on me for care and attention and it’s a nice feeling when I get home and he’s running around after me “chatting” away.

· I do not see an end to the way I am feeling and that nothing will make things better. Another of the major changes, I now feel that with the help of the medication, the counselling, having Obi and the addition of Trudes (phwoar) in my life, I can now see a way out of the deep void I was in, so it is at this point that I say thank you to Trudes, firstly for letting me re-home the best cat ever, and for entering my life as a good friend, and now being someone that I can share my life with and care about, in fact care doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about you, I’m not even sure love is, it seems to be much more than that. For the first time in my life I truly believe I have found a soul mate, someone who understands me on an emotional level. At the moment we have only been together for just over a week, but I have never been so comfortable and at ease with my life.

· I have considered taking my own life on at least 2 occasions. The thought of ending my life was an easy way out, mainly because I felt worthless. I now realise that too many people would be hurt if I did take my own life and I couldn’t bear to see that. Especially now that my life has purpose again. So I fully intend to stick around for as long as I possibly can. I once told my counsellor that although I’m not afraid of death, I wouldn’t welcome it. Now I think I’d put up a serious fight, and lay the smackdown on the grim reapers candy ass.

So dear reader, you are almost up to speed on how things have been for the past few months. I have gone from feeling useless and unwanted, to needed and loved, and that’s what truly matters. I don’t know how long I have in this life, but I plan to make the best of every single second, and having someone to share my time with puts a whole new perspective on the future. So here’s to the future and welcome to the interesting journey that is my life. I hope you enjoy reading about it, as much as I intend to enjoy living it.

As a close on my first blog entry, I leave you with this thought, we don’t stop playing because we grow up, we grow up because we stop playing.

TTFN